It has been a while since I've posted to my General Convention/Episcopal church blog. The occasion for this (and a few subsequent) posting is where I find myself this weekend, and what I am here to do.
I was invited by Bishop Stacy Sauls of the Diocese of Lexington (my bishop) to attend a weekend aimed at "dreaming" about how to reinvigorate the life of the church. While I'm still unclear on how this weekend came to be, Forward Movement Publications is involved, and Bishop Sauls will report on the work of our group when we adjourn.
We were invited here because someone in the wider church thought we were creative, imaginative thinkers not stuck in an "old" mode of thinking and acting. I feel honored to be among the people here this weekend. There are priests, executive directors, seminary graduates, PhD's, educators, activists, academics, youth ministries directors, etc. And then there's little old me. The stories we shared tonight were incredible, coming from a very diverse experience base and an obvious investment in the life of the church and its wider work. I've been very involved in the church, too, but this weekend will be the most different "church" experience I've had.
We have no rubric, no script, no agenda. We are being asked to tap into our creativity, our imaginations, and our experiences to produce something. Anything. We can't leave the hotel until we have something. But what?! None of us have any idea. Don't get me wrong, this is not a complaint. I think this experiment of "dreaming" without script is awesome. However, how can we dream without a stated objective? What is our goal? What is our purpose?
I don't know where our discussion will lead us tomorrow, or what ideas will percolate as I walk through the Magic Kingdom (immersed in a "culture of creativity") with these new acquaintances. Tonight, however, I feel the need to start plotting a very rough, preliminary vision of what it is I might dream.
What do I think about the Episcopal Church?
First, I have no commitment to maintaining the Episcopal Church forever. I have a strong denominational identity and love the Episcopal Church, but my motivation to work within the church does not arise from some fear of its eventual demise.
I have always been moved by the Episcopal tendency to show faith through action, and I have no interest in what I consider blatant evangelism through word (i.e. the questions, "are you saved?", "do you believe in Jesus?", "have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?"). I think how we speak and how we behave should be demonstrative of our relationship with God in Christ. How does the Episcopal Church form people to lead them to sharing the Good News of God in a way that is real, immediate, and substantive, and demonstrative of their relationship with God, but that allows the Spirit to move of its own accord, unconfined by the language of proselytism?
Goals for the church
To reclaim "religiosity" from fundamentalism, traditionalism, and conservatism. To show God's love, grace, and power in unconventional, nontraditional, ground-breaking ways. To show that God is a God of openness, of superhuman love, radical compassion, unfathomable understanding.
To show that right religion is that which is practiced by individuals constantly striving for compassion: individuals who are self-critical and work to deepen their understanding of compassion, love, and forgiveness; individuals who know their smallness, know their faults and their sins, and embrace their humanity in full knowledge of God's love of His children.
Ambiguous and undirected prosaic nonsense. Where will this weekend lead us?
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
To my student
Dear Student,
I think you are an artist as a young woman. Not "the," but "an." I think that you don't know this yet, and that your friends and your environment haven't demonstrated to you that your artist's mindset is okay. It is okay. It is troublesome, meddlesome, frustrating, pleading, prodding, pushing, and maddening. But it is part of you, and you will have to learn to embrace it.
I think that you will have to struggle for meaning. The quest of religion is to imbue life with meaning, to make it something other than void. Meanings sometimes show themselves in either bold or the most subtle of ways. Other times, we have to create meaning for ourselves. It is too easy to give in, and give up, and to wallow in the utter purposeless-ness of it all. Do not go the easy road. The easy road will make you jaded, cranky, and a curmudgeon before you're middle-aged. The easy road does not make life beautiful.
You are living through a difficult period in your life, to be sure. However, I believe you know that at some point, YOU will have to make the decision to continue in this manner, or to change your conceptual framework. You will, at some point, realize that you need to choose laughter, optimism, catharsis, and beauty. No one can do this for you. No amount of Band-Aid compliments and pats on the back will settle you in a permanent state of loving yourself. Happiness and self-love will only be true, genuine, and lasting when they come from within you. You have to find the cup the overfloweth...
In conclusion, I love you. The meaning I am bestowing upon my life, my difficult years, and my mistakes is that I experienced all of it so that I could help you. Thank you.
I think you are an artist as a young woman. Not "the," but "an." I think that you don't know this yet, and that your friends and your environment haven't demonstrated to you that your artist's mindset is okay. It is okay. It is troublesome, meddlesome, frustrating, pleading, prodding, pushing, and maddening. But it is part of you, and you will have to learn to embrace it.
I think that you will have to struggle for meaning. The quest of religion is to imbue life with meaning, to make it something other than void. Meanings sometimes show themselves in either bold or the most subtle of ways. Other times, we have to create meaning for ourselves. It is too easy to give in, and give up, and to wallow in the utter purposeless-ness of it all. Do not go the easy road. The easy road will make you jaded, cranky, and a curmudgeon before you're middle-aged. The easy road does not make life beautiful.
You are living through a difficult period in your life, to be sure. However, I believe you know that at some point, YOU will have to make the decision to continue in this manner, or to change your conceptual framework. You will, at some point, realize that you need to choose laughter, optimism, catharsis, and beauty. No one can do this for you. No amount of Band-Aid compliments and pats on the back will settle you in a permanent state of loving yourself. Happiness and self-love will only be true, genuine, and lasting when they come from within you. You have to find the cup the overfloweth...
In conclusion, I love you. The meaning I am bestowing upon my life, my difficult years, and my mistakes is that I experienced all of it so that I could help you. Thank you.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
A Proverbial Journey
Day 1. October 21.
Proverbs 1-3
Proverbs 2: 1-6
My son, if you accept my words
And treasure my commandments;
If you make your ear attentive to wisdom
And your mind open to discernment;
If you call to understanding
And cry aloud to discernment,
If you seek it as you do silver
And search for it as for treasures,
Then you will understand the fear of the Lord
And attain knowledge of God.
For the Lord grants wisdom;
Knowledge and discernment are by His decree.
Proverbs 1-3
Proverbs 2: 1-6
My son, if you accept my words
And treasure my commandments;
If you make your ear attentive to wisdom
And your mind open to discernment;
If you call to understanding
And cry aloud to discernment,
If you seek it as you do silver
And search for it as for treasures,
Then you will understand the fear of the Lord
And attain knowledge of God.
For the Lord grants wisdom;
Knowledge and discernment are by His decree.
awake my soul........
"This grace gives me fear...
this grace draws me near...
and all I ask, it provides."
My memory may not serve correctly, but I just hummed those lines from the song "Awake My Soul" in my head as I booted up my computer to type.
I am unable to thoroughly ignore certain nagging issues:
1. (money, at present, a small concern, but in terms of my life, somewhat important)
2. my future
3. my calling
4. my passions
I spent the majority of my day fighting with the copier at St. John's, feverishly trying to finish all of the copies of the readings for the Children of Abraham class, which just started this evening. Around 1:30pm, against my better judgment, I decided to leave the church and rush back to Lexington to meet with Rabbi Kline. I didn't have the time and I was nervous about completing all my work at church; however, it is always in the moments when I am most doubtful and nervous that God speaks to me in unexpected and spontaneous ways. I had a feeling that my meeting with Rabbi Kline would calm and invigorate me, reminding me of the awe-ful quality of the divine spark. I was right.
I left my hour-long conversation with Rabbi Kline absolutely beaming...... I got to my car and wanted to weep from happiness. I don't know how or why it is, but I seem to be extraordinarily blessed with encounters with God-infused people. Perhaps I have just prayed "Your will be done" and "God, let me see you" with enough fervor that it actually happens. I don't know.
Rabbi Kline, like so many well-meaning Episcopalians and non-religious friends, asked me a few times during the conversation, "So, when are you getting ordained?" I laughed nervously. "Rabbi - not you too! Whenever I go to Mission House, I leave with hives because everyone asks - 'So, Allison..... discernment committee?' And I have to run away and hide!" He laughed, and like all the well-meaning Episcopalians, said, "At some point you may just have to accept what everyone else already knows to be true."
Is that it? Is that the source of all my worry? Will I find peace and solace when I finally just give in? Possibly...
But I also have what I think is a God-given conviction that I might not be called to ordination, or even to an Episcopal seminary. Where is God calling me? What does God want of me? I can't shake my intense and unstoppable love of Judaism, Islam, Morocco, children, dancing, music, Irish dance, my students, my students, my students............ I can't figure out how to live my life at peace, and happily, absent these things.
How can I possibly combine them all? And how can I remain true to my vocation to serve the church......... but be faithfully free enough to serve it outside of its walls? I have no freaking idea!
Tonight I received the unfortunate news that I would not be progressing in the Mitchell Scholarship competition. Strangely, when I read the email, a wave of relief ran over me. "This means something," I thought - and my mind rushed back to Rabbi Kline's office and the conversation we had had. I'm not meant to be in Ireland, at least not on the Mitchell Scholarship.
WHERE THE HELL DO I GO NOW?
The possibilities are endless, and I have no idea what God is calling me to do. The only focus I have it that it has something to do with religion. However, God and I will be doing some bargaining, because I refuse to give up dancing. I'll give up music, but I will not give up dancing and religion. I just can't.
this grace draws me near...
and all I ask, it provides."
My memory may not serve correctly, but I just hummed those lines from the song "Awake My Soul" in my head as I booted up my computer to type.
I am unable to thoroughly ignore certain nagging issues:
1. (money, at present, a small concern, but in terms of my life, somewhat important)
2. my future
3. my calling
4. my passions
I spent the majority of my day fighting with the copier at St. John's, feverishly trying to finish all of the copies of the readings for the Children of Abraham class, which just started this evening. Around 1:30pm, against my better judgment, I decided to leave the church and rush back to Lexington to meet with Rabbi Kline. I didn't have the time and I was nervous about completing all my work at church; however, it is always in the moments when I am most doubtful and nervous that God speaks to me in unexpected and spontaneous ways. I had a feeling that my meeting with Rabbi Kline would calm and invigorate me, reminding me of the awe-ful quality of the divine spark. I was right.
I left my hour-long conversation with Rabbi Kline absolutely beaming...... I got to my car and wanted to weep from happiness. I don't know how or why it is, but I seem to be extraordinarily blessed with encounters with God-infused people. Perhaps I have just prayed "Your will be done" and "God, let me see you" with enough fervor that it actually happens. I don't know.
Rabbi Kline, like so many well-meaning Episcopalians and non-religious friends, asked me a few times during the conversation, "So, when are you getting ordained?" I laughed nervously. "Rabbi - not you too! Whenever I go to Mission House, I leave with hives because everyone asks - 'So, Allison..... discernment committee?' And I have to run away and hide!" He laughed, and like all the well-meaning Episcopalians, said, "At some point you may just have to accept what everyone else already knows to be true."
Is that it? Is that the source of all my worry? Will I find peace and solace when I finally just give in? Possibly...
But I also have what I think is a God-given conviction that I might not be called to ordination, or even to an Episcopal seminary. Where is God calling me? What does God want of me? I can't shake my intense and unstoppable love of Judaism, Islam, Morocco, children, dancing, music, Irish dance, my students, my students, my students............ I can't figure out how to live my life at peace, and happily, absent these things.
How can I possibly combine them all? And how can I remain true to my vocation to serve the church......... but be faithfully free enough to serve it outside of its walls? I have no freaking idea!
Tonight I received the unfortunate news that I would not be progressing in the Mitchell Scholarship competition. Strangely, when I read the email, a wave of relief ran over me. "This means something," I thought - and my mind rushed back to Rabbi Kline's office and the conversation we had had. I'm not meant to be in Ireland, at least not on the Mitchell Scholarship.
WHERE THE HELL DO I GO NOW?
The possibilities are endless, and I have no idea what God is calling me to do. The only focus I have it that it has something to do with religion. However, God and I will be doing some bargaining, because I refuse to give up dancing. I'll give up music, but I will not give up dancing and religion. I just can't.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
a revolutionary church
I regret that I haven't taken the time to write the past few days, but truly, I have been so emotionally overwhelmed that I have retreated inward. I have not had a single inclination to share. Time to overcome that and start working on a way to give people back at home some insight into the General Convention experience.
On the whole, what I can say about General Convention and the style of discourse that has occurred here is that it is a model for members of faith communities - and for other legislatures. It has been painstaking and occasionally contentious, but more often than not, it has been marked by a sincere attention to the validity of everyone's own spiritual journey, and own work to discern the Spirit in their lives. It has been marked by deep Christian love - transformative and renewing.
I will return home to the Diocese of Lexington with enthusiasm for a meaningful dialogical process we used at Convention. Since Provincial Synods (and in the planning stages for months prior), there has been an initiative afoot to help deputies, bishops, members of the ECW, and other participants learn to listen and hear deeply. Through Public Narrative (www.publicnarrative.org), we utilized a mission-focused loose rubric for storytelling and dialogue to help us learn about and from each other, and find common threads that bind together our stories and our live and call us to go out into the world and do mission work. The process was very reflective, contemplative, and interactive; it called forth stories of joy, stories of pain, stories of trial and error, experiment and discovery, exclusion and ostracism and the healing power of inclusion.
Austin, one of my fellow deputies from Lexington, mentioned tonight the constant problem we encounter when facing conflict - within and without the Church. We - Episcopalians and human beings, period - have not learned to talk and listen, and be in loving conversation with each other prior to conflict. Because we neglect this important aspect of relationship building, when conflict arises, we turn to pointing fingers, throwing dangers, and demonization. Any dialogue that starts at that point is tinged with a highly emotional and anger-filled atmosphere, and healing can't start. If we don't know each other before anger explodes, then there is almost no hope once it starts. It just brews.
The three year hiatus between 2006 GC and 2009 has been a period of healing - for the most part. There have been divorces within our church, and there has been the constant threat from the fundamentalist elements within our Anglican Communion to "kick us out" or be in impaired relationship with us. The utter confusion of most of our Anglican counterparts as to our Episcopal polity (democratic governance within a church? quoi?) has come to the forefront. In a Communion where bishops hold most of the power and make the decisions for their churches, where the national experiences are so wholly different as to make the American experience inexplicable and alien, and where progressive Christian scholarship has opened up new understandings of scripture, doctrine, and Christian history - we are a strange strange strange Church. We are a beautiful church, rich in diversity, unafraid of engaging with scholarship and modernity. This is different from the experiences of many of our Anglican brothers and sisters. In the Episcopal Church, as an elected deputy, this 22-year-old female has a vote that equals that of her bishop. How radical! How new! How true to the way the Spirit has moved in the American experience, exposing the cruelties of the lack of representation and the evils of exclusion.
The Episcopal Church was the post-Revolution church in the newly constituted United States of America, and acting upon the wisdom of the founders of this country, the founders of this Church maintained a representative, democratically elected bicameral legislature for the government of the Church. No longer would laity have no voice, would priests and bishops dictate without the blessing of their congregants. This church would NOT be a theocracy. This church would protect the dignity of each of its members - and this has been the onward revolutionary march from our creation to the present day, the constant renewal of our identity to fully respect and honor the dignity of all people. It has taken us centuries
We are living into our constitution and continually discerning the way forward. We were the church of the Revolution; today we are a revolutionary church.
On the whole, what I can say about General Convention and the style of discourse that has occurred here is that it is a model for members of faith communities - and for other legislatures. It has been painstaking and occasionally contentious, but more often than not, it has been marked by a sincere attention to the validity of everyone's own spiritual journey, and own work to discern the Spirit in their lives. It has been marked by deep Christian love - transformative and renewing.
I will return home to the Diocese of Lexington with enthusiasm for a meaningful dialogical process we used at Convention. Since Provincial Synods (and in the planning stages for months prior), there has been an initiative afoot to help deputies, bishops, members of the ECW, and other participants learn to listen and hear deeply. Through Public Narrative (www.publicnarrative.org), we utilized a mission-focused loose rubric for storytelling and dialogue to help us learn about and from each other, and find common threads that bind together our stories and our live and call us to go out into the world and do mission work. The process was very reflective, contemplative, and interactive; it called forth stories of joy, stories of pain, stories of trial and error, experiment and discovery, exclusion and ostracism and the healing power of inclusion.
Austin, one of my fellow deputies from Lexington, mentioned tonight the constant problem we encounter when facing conflict - within and without the Church. We - Episcopalians and human beings, period - have not learned to talk and listen, and be in loving conversation with each other prior to conflict. Because we neglect this important aspect of relationship building, when conflict arises, we turn to pointing fingers, throwing dangers, and demonization. Any dialogue that starts at that point is tinged with a highly emotional and anger-filled atmosphere, and healing can't start. If we don't know each other before anger explodes, then there is almost no hope once it starts. It just brews.
The three year hiatus between 2006 GC and 2009 has been a period of healing - for the most part. There have been divorces within our church, and there has been the constant threat from the fundamentalist elements within our Anglican Communion to "kick us out" or be in impaired relationship with us. The utter confusion of most of our Anglican counterparts as to our Episcopal polity (democratic governance within a church? quoi?) has come to the forefront. In a Communion where bishops hold most of the power and make the decisions for their churches, where the national experiences are so wholly different as to make the American experience inexplicable and alien, and where progressive Christian scholarship has opened up new understandings of scripture, doctrine, and Christian history - we are a strange strange strange Church. We are a beautiful church, rich in diversity, unafraid of engaging with scholarship and modernity. This is different from the experiences of many of our Anglican brothers and sisters. In the Episcopal Church, as an elected deputy, this 22-year-old female has a vote that equals that of her bishop. How radical! How new! How true to the way the Spirit has moved in the American experience, exposing the cruelties of the lack of representation and the evils of exclusion.
The Episcopal Church was the post-Revolution church in the newly constituted United States of America, and acting upon the wisdom of the founders of this country, the founders of this Church maintained a representative, democratically elected bicameral legislature for the government of the Church. No longer would laity have no voice, would priests and bishops dictate without the blessing of their congregants. This church would NOT be a theocracy. This church would protect the dignity of each of its members - and this has been the onward revolutionary march from our creation to the present day, the constant renewal of our identity to fully respect and honor the dignity of all people. It has taken us centuries
We are living into our constitution and continually discerning the way forward. We were the church of the Revolution; today we are a revolutionary church.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Thoughts from the floor
Thoughts from the floor
To entertain ourselves during particularly pedantic and unnecessary discussions on the floor, Bungee and I write things on the disposable table cloth that we find funny. So far, we have constructed a running list of all the things for which a handful of deputies have voted “no.” These resolutions generally have been matters of wide acceptance (ie funding for Christian formation, education, etc.) The whole multitude of deputies will shout collectively “Aye!” when prompted, but then there will follow 5-10 deputies who will, with great fervor, yell “NO!”
Tongue-in-cheek, mind you, it seems that not all Episcopalians are in agreement. So far, we have resounding NO’s from a few deputies on the following:
NO to the Millennium Development Goals (MDG’s – to end global poverty)
NO to Lifelong Christian Formation
NO to Education
NO to peace
NO to reconciliation
NO to justice
NO to youth
NO to evangelism (with a running tally of 7 votes in which some deputies have said no to Evangelism)
NO to timely order of business
NO to prison ministry
NO to end of life ministry
NO to Jubilee Ministries
NO to ministry to wounded soldiers and veterans
NO to protecting adults from sexual predators
Bungee and I laugh about this, because in reality, the “NO’s” are to the resolution, or resolution with amendment, as presented to the house, and NOT to education, peace, justice, etc. It’s just funny to think that the “NO” deputies are really opposed to things like peace. No one is opposed to peace. People just yell “no” to resolutions dealing with peace.
This morning the House continued discussion of Resolutions B023 and D050 – consenting to the election of the Bishop-elect of Ecuador-Central and calling for the Convention NOT to consent, respectively. The Spanish-speaking deputies from Colombia, Ecuador, and Puerto Rico, along with English and bilingual American deputies spoke to the resolutions in quite a volatile discussion. The deputation from Ecuador Central was itself divided on the matter; some wanted Bishop-Elect Reverend Luis Fernando Ruiz Restrepo, and others claimed that the election had occurred in a non-democratic fashion, and wanted to be able to elect their own bishop. (For further information and thorough reporting on this matter, see: http://ecusa.anglican.org/79901_112517_ENG_HTM.htm) In the end, the house voted more than 70% in favor of the election, and Bishop-elect Ruiz walked to the front of the house, his wife walking with him and holding his hand, to a thunderous standing ovation. It was a wonderful end to a long and tense argument on the floor.
I was deeply moved by the painful testimonies of some of the Ecuadorian deputies, who obviously felt that they had been wronged by the proceedings of their diocesan convention and further action in the House of Bishops. I voted no to consent on Ruiz’s election, not due to any testimony I heard of his character (in which he sounded like a caring pastor and an exemplar of God’s love), but due to my concern that the dissent in Ecuador was still so ripe and so grief-filled, that we might be wrong to elect a Bishop unwanted by (seemingly) many in the Diocese. In the end, I am joyful for the many who stepped forward to speak on behalf of Ruiz, and I do believe that he will be a good leader for the Diocese of Ecuador Central.
(after posting at 1:00am, I am off to bed).
To entertain ourselves during particularly pedantic and unnecessary discussions on the floor, Bungee and I write things on the disposable table cloth that we find funny. So far, we have constructed a running list of all the things for which a handful of deputies have voted “no.” These resolutions generally have been matters of wide acceptance (ie funding for Christian formation, education, etc.) The whole multitude of deputies will shout collectively “Aye!” when prompted, but then there will follow 5-10 deputies who will, with great fervor, yell “NO!”
Tongue-in-cheek, mind you, it seems that not all Episcopalians are in agreement. So far, we have resounding NO’s from a few deputies on the following:
NO to the Millennium Development Goals (MDG’s – to end global poverty)
NO to Lifelong Christian Formation
NO to Education
NO to peace
NO to reconciliation
NO to justice
NO to youth
NO to evangelism (with a running tally of 7 votes in which some deputies have said no to Evangelism)
NO to timely order of business
NO to prison ministry
NO to end of life ministry
NO to Jubilee Ministries
NO to ministry to wounded soldiers and veterans
NO to protecting adults from sexual predators
Bungee and I laugh about this, because in reality, the “NO’s” are to the resolution, or resolution with amendment, as presented to the house, and NOT to education, peace, justice, etc. It’s just funny to think that the “NO” deputies are really opposed to things like peace. No one is opposed to peace. People just yell “no” to resolutions dealing with peace.
This morning the House continued discussion of Resolutions B023 and D050 – consenting to the election of the Bishop-elect of Ecuador-Central and calling for the Convention NOT to consent, respectively. The Spanish-speaking deputies from Colombia, Ecuador, and Puerto Rico, along with English and bilingual American deputies spoke to the resolutions in quite a volatile discussion. The deputation from Ecuador Central was itself divided on the matter; some wanted Bishop-Elect Reverend Luis Fernando Ruiz Restrepo, and others claimed that the election had occurred in a non-democratic fashion, and wanted to be able to elect their own bishop. (For further information and thorough reporting on this matter, see: http://ecusa.anglican.org/79901_112517_ENG_HTM.htm) In the end, the house voted more than 70% in favor of the election, and Bishop-elect Ruiz walked to the front of the house, his wife walking with him and holding his hand, to a thunderous standing ovation. It was a wonderful end to a long and tense argument on the floor.
I was deeply moved by the painful testimonies of some of the Ecuadorian deputies, who obviously felt that they had been wronged by the proceedings of their diocesan convention and further action in the House of Bishops. I voted no to consent on Ruiz’s election, not due to any testimony I heard of his character (in which he sounded like a caring pastor and an exemplar of God’s love), but due to my concern that the dissent in Ecuador was still so ripe and so grief-filled, that we might be wrong to elect a Bishop unwanted by (seemingly) many in the Diocese. In the end, I am joyful for the many who stepped forward to speak on behalf of Ruiz, and I do believe that he will be a good leader for the Diocese of Ecuador Central.
(after posting at 1:00am, I am off to bed).
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